Baby Time!

To start, NO, not us! But I got you to click on my post didn't I?? ;)

(Ryan holding newly born Zane)

John and I were both young parents. He was 15, I was 20.... yeah, go ahead and chuckle a little...

(Birth of Izeah)

I think we both struggled a little at those times in our lives, him more so then I. We were YOUNG parents. We had babies before any of our friends did. We went backwards in the "life cycle".... He stopped after 1 and I had 3 by the time I was 25.

(3 by age 25... then marriage... duh, don't you know that I've always been ass backwards!?!?)

Now we're both at the cusp of turning 30. And we're both at that time in our lives when most of our family and friends are either A. getting married or B. having babies... and it's a very tough time for both of us. It's joyful, yes, we are so very happy for our friends and fam but it also has it's down sides as well...


We're past this point in our lives. We've had countless people ask us if we're going to have more. All though neither of us have taken the permanent step, I do have an IUD, which has worked for the last 5 years, and will hopefully keep working for the next 5 too. We've talked about it quite a bit and we are 99% positive that we are done. Like, DONE DONE. Zane (the youngest) is almost in kindergarten and the idea of starting over doesn't so much scare me, but doesn't sound appealing either. At this point we can take the kids out of the house and it's awesome to not be carrying a diaper bag of crap that you virtually never use! (OK, that's a fib... by my 3rd kid I had it down to an art form... 1 diaper and an emergency bottle, that was pretty much all I ever took.... everything else you can improvise). I still LOVE the idea of being pregnant and I LOVE LOVE LOVE babies (who doesn't?) but for the last few years, my little biological clock has stopped clicking! It's a weird feeling for me.... not wanting one... but every time I'm holding someone else's baby, or babysitting my little niece or friends kids, I haven't had the urge to have one! After accepting my internal feelings, I can now say that it feels GREAT to not have that feeling... I am happy to hold, and happy to return :)

(Little Kayla '04)

The down side? It's a rough point in life with our friends. I felt the little "rift" before... When I had my babies, I lost some friends so to speak. I was never upset or mad though, I always understood how and why, but you still FEEL it. It's the feeling that our lives are all different. My friends didn't have babies so they had freedom to do what they wanted, when and where they wanted. It can kind of be a deal breaker in not so many terms. Yet I still had faith in a few of these friends, and it was good... I knew that once they started having their babies, they would get it. They would understand where we were coming from all those years that we couldn't make it to things because we had children. They started understanding the constraints of a family, the limits you now set for yourself, and the fact that your couch and a movie are more appealing now then going and getting shit faced every weekend. I have some of my friends back now and it's great! I'm really very happy that I held onto some of these friendships because I just knew in my heart that at some point in the future, our lives would coincide again :)

(John and Kay Bug... Daddy Daughter Dance '04)

Until this point... Now the tables are turned. We're the ones that have more freedom now. Our children are older. We have the ability to leave them for a weekend and it's OK with all 6 of us. They know we're coming back, and we know we need the break :) We live with less restraints, and we don't have to worry about going places and making sure things are baby friendly...

(Baby Zane)

It feels odd to be on this side. It's hard. I don't want to drift away from any of these friends... I love them very much... but it seems to be happening a little bit. I think my whole post is actually just a way of me talking out loud and reminding myself of how it felt for me when this happened, so that I don't do it to any of my dear friends now.... I hope they also know that I am always here for them as well... with advice, childcare, whatever ;) Even if it's just to come over and visit for a bit because I still remember my lonely nights sitting at home, feeling like I didn't have very many friends.... I don't wish that upon any of my friends... :)

(Little Zak and Ryan sleeping :)

Soooooo.... now what do I do??? Well for starters, I have 5 baby showers coming up in the next 6months... time to start knitting and sewing! :)