That 1 Guy

Soooo..... a friend texted me asking if That 1 Guy came to The Redstone Room, would I come?

HELLZ YES.

Now, we need to drum up a following and about 100 people that say they would come see him! I, personally am going to contact him about doing a small presentation at the kids school as well..... he's THAT amazing.

He plays a Magic Pipe.

We have followed him all over the country and John and I work Street Team for him as well. We've seen him in Florida, Chicago, and Iowa City to name a few. Every performance is awesome. I am in awe of his musical brilliance and sheer intelligence at playing his self-made musical instrument. He's F%^&ing awesome. Period.

You can find him HERE

Here are some pics of us seeing him.....

And if you have time.... here are a few videos of some of his live performances. I HIGHLY suggest watching his "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" rendition. It is lengthy in time but seriously calming music to your ears....

The UN-Educated Education

Right now, in conjunction with figuring out a far more healthy diet, I am also obsessed with Indian food. Oooooooohhhh baby... num num num.

SO I've started looking into recipes and the traditional manner in which to prepare certain Indian dishes I have come to like over time.... which today found me talking to a friend, who is Indian, and whose parents are native to India.

In the course of our conversation today she was sharing that Indian cooking is pretty much an all consuming task. You cook from sun up until sun down, well, the females do, and the men tend to the crops, livestock, etc. By the time you have prepared a dish, eaten the meal, and cleaned up, it is time to start the NEXT meal of the day.

And as a side note, she mentions, "Well... it's what they DO. They're not really, you know, educated."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Isn't it amazing how ONE sentence can just cause your brain to go into a tail spin of thought???

Ok, maybe not yours, but it sure did mine :)

As I've been dissecting my relationship with food, and our lifestyle at the same time, that ONE sentence really struck me as odd.

That one statement holds A LOT of truth.... A truth that, in the past, I have viewed as negative. But now I think, why? Why is being NOT educated so negative?

The truth is that yes, many uneducated people spend a lot of their time doing SIMPLE things. They live their lives for the fulfillment of their basic bodily needs. They tend the crops, and they spend a daytime preparing the meals. They use ingredients that are on hand and mostly local. They spend GOOD QUALITY time preparing nutritious and unprocessed meals. Meals made from scratch and with, I can only assume, raw and organic ingredients. Those uneducated people spend time together in meal preparation talking, sharing, and bonding. They also spend time outside doing healthy and honest work, in the sun and in the dirt. They are physically active. (Yes, gardening is a very physical activity... and if you doubt me, grow one, I dare you too.)

The flip side of this truth? Well let's see.... I'm educated. And I can certainly tell you what this education has done to me.... My education was so that I could have a job. This job in turn provides me with money, that I spend on food at the grocery store, mostly on food that is NOT raw, organic, nor nutritious in nature. My education has reduced the time in which I can prepare these meals as well... since being educated leads to being involved in many other activities outside of a job. Let's just keep it going now.... where did I get my education? Well I'm so glad you asked! I received an education that is controlled by our government. This is also the same government that controls most of the production of the most unhealthy foods I eat! Anyone ever wonder WHY the government created a food pyramid that says we should eat mostly grains? Think about it peoples... where do you think corn/wheat/soy farmers receive their subsidies from?

Yep, I'm THAT educated. And so are you!

I also find it absolutely amazing that the MORE I keep educating myself, the more I realize how being UNeducated might have it's glowing points. Now I must step back a tad bit here.... I'm not saying, gee, I wish I was raised stupid. I am very thankful I have an education.

BUT in looking at these uneducated practices.... I want to learn from them, not shame them. I want to dissect if they are TRULY uneducated, or if they are actually more intelligent in some ways then we are in Western societies. Research is proving that some of these uneducated people actually DO hold the key... they are called Blue Zones in case you are wondering... in these Blue Zones... these uneducated and poor people actually live healthier, live longer, have very little stress, and live a full and happy life.

Now how about that?

Weekend Away

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............

Yes, exactly how I was able to relax last weekend.

I warned ya, life is slowing down around here and we kicked it off with a weekend of rest and relaxation with just Mommy and Johnny.

It was grand.

I want that every weekend.

:)

It was perfect.

We found a nice little 3 bedroom lodge right on the out skirts of Mineral Point, WI. MapleWood Lodge. Just one lodge, nothing fancy. 3 bedrooms on 26 secluded acres. Total SILENCE.

The lodge was fantastic. It had so many rooms to sit and relax in that John and I could barely decide where to plant our tooshies the first night.

(Amazing Living Room)

Turns out my favorite spot was right by the front door.... 2 chairs, a little table, my books, my knitting, and 2 beautiful windows to watch the sun rise and fall from....

There were so many little quirks too.... I think I spent each day just walking around the house for a little while noticing all the oddities that made it so unique...

And yes... we had TIME. Time to cook the most perfect and splendid breakfast on Saturday morning in this kitchen.......

Eggs Benedict from scratch, YUMMO. I fixed up a little Olive Oil based Spinach Cole Slaw on the side for mine....

Your mouth is watering now right??? I know, mine is too...

We got to go see House on the Rock as well.

We went in the off season so we got a limited guided tour but I am positive that my kids are going this summer... it's pretty awesome. I love JUNK. Just love love love it! Yet, I met a man who loved junk more!

We unfortunately forgot out good camera on this trip but my phone did so-so OK....

(This was in the Women's Bathroom! I coulda peed with the stall door open!)

(Stained glass was present EVERYWHERE)

(Anything Musical is just incredible... After John watched this his exact quote was, "My mind is blown." :)

I swear Alex Jordan did multiple drugs... it was amazing. It's a place you should really see on a daytime adventure if you haven't already :) The only down side was the GUIDED tour. I'm not much of a guided tour fan... sure, it has it's moments, like if you have a question, you do have someone who knows more then you do available for an answer but hey... I have Google on my phone.

SO yeah, summertime it's my goal with the kiddos.... and I'll bring a better camera too :)

In conclusion... relaxation was acheived. Returning to the real world was hard. However, my attitude is much better and I am definintly re-focused.

Awesome.

My 2010 Disappointments

I suppose this might be the obligatory post that I'm supposed to write after the new year but I suck at those kinds of posts so instead, I shall flog myself.

2010 was a very decent year... as are all years in the whole grand scheme of things. I used to believe that "bad" years are put behind us and a new year meant hoping for a "good" year BUT... I now believe that's a load of crap :) We all have years that are good and bad, and they all fade into one long running memory that shapes and molds us into new little person's whenever we so chose to let it happen....

That being said, I shall finish with my self flogging here.

I have been very moody lately and it has a lot to do, I believe, with the reflections I did do for myself of the past year.... So I'm going to a construct a "How I disappointed MYSELF" list and see if I can jump start my happy little tooshie into re-directing myself back onto the right track.

1. DIET

WHAT I BELIEVE:

For the longest time, I have been trying to find a better diet for my family and for myself. I have a horrid DISLIKE for Western Culture and the eating habits taught and associated with it. The American diet is full of nothing but junk. Processed foods, meat with hormones, government controlled crops, fat, etc. I believe this diet is one of THE MAIN contributing factors to poor mental and physical health, medication abuse, and is the root cause of many ailments that plague us as a society today.

WHAT HAPPENED THIS YEAR:

I have failed, and failed miserably. With the increase in activity in our lives, I have taken the easy way out. McDonald's and quick fix processed food dinners have become my crutch. And that's their job.... they are in business to be this crutch for the too-busy-lifestyle. As a result, I feel stressed, we have all been more "ill" then normal, and I generally feel like crap. I even had to get rid of a lot of our garden produce due to the fact that I didn't have suitable time to care for, harvest, and properly store many of the delicious and natural things I produced for the year.

WHAT I PLAN TO DO:

It's time to step back and take a breath. I am currently going to read, "Primal Blueprint" by Mark Sisson and I hope it inspires me. I will get better at meal planning. I will get better at discussing what is for dinner the day BEFORE said dinner instead of 5 minutes before it has to be on the table. I have pinpointed some of mine and my families ailments and I will be altering our diet to help with these ailments instead of continually digesting medication that doesn't FIX the problem but just hides us from being in touch with our bodies.

2. MADE BY HAND AND CREATION

WHAT I BELIEVE:

I believe that something home made is 100% better then anything you may purchase from mass production. It also enables the brain. To create things home made you have to learn the skill, take the time, and physically do the work. It also can create a greater sense of satisfaction. I don't know about you but when I BUY a hat, I simply make the purchase. Now, learning to knit a hat??? That takes time and skill, and when I'm done with it, the satisfaction must cause a boost in Serotonin because I literally am HAPPY. Also, my mind must be FREE to create. I can't very well create or make products if all I can think of is how tired I am, how much "stuff" I have to do, etc.

WHAT HAPPENED:

Once again, busy busy busy! When I am busy, my mind has NO desire to create. I KNOW I can paint one helluva picture but if you put a blank canvas in front of stressed out me, I will produce nothing. My mind is simply too busy to create. We have been buying more things then necessary for this house, all due to lack of time and interest in seeing if there is an alternative to spending money in a mass consumer driven market. We are purchasing purchasing purchasing and it is horrible. We have spent more money then is necessary, we don't take care of things like we used to, and we have been utilizing the concept of "quick fix" versus patience and creation.

WHAT I PLAN TO DO:

Yep, belts will be tightened. I am tired of wasting money money on products that have no value to me as a person and that will break. It's the story of stuff peoples.... the more you buy, the more it breaks, the more we buy again. It's a nasty ass cycle of consumption and we will be sitting back and start making better decisions about purchases around here. There will be no more of this, "I need **fill in the blank**, so I'm going to Walmart." Instead, when we need to purchase things, we will start by discussing those "things" necessity. Do we REALLY need this item? Or do we THINK we need this item. What is the price? Can we make it ourselves? Can we survive with OUT this item? Yes, my family, the belts shall tighten. (John, don't roll your eyes too much please :)

3. MY NEUROSIS

WHAT I BELIEVE:

I have always been OCD a tad. I DO believe in a clean house (everything has a place). Yet I used to understand that messes will happen, things will become disorganized, and chores may take some time to complete.

WHAT HAPPENED:

I have done lost it. I have let my OCD come straight up to the surface and it is unhealthy for myself and my children. I have become extremely stressed about keeping up with "housework" and "cleaning". I have become so obsessed with it that I have forgotten that the time I am taking to clean and organize could be time better spent with my children and family. I find myself yelling at the children a lot more, and for what? Because they are children? Because they PLAY with things? I have let a "clean house" become my focus. I have let my neurotic attitude take over my conscious decisions. I am BAD.

WHAT I PLAN TO DO:

Ok, this one is a 50/50 thing. Yes, the house will still be clean... I can't function in a complete mess. Yet, I am OVER being so anal about it! My brain needs a break and my kids need that break as well!

4. MY ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIONS

WHAT I BELIEVE:

I believe Global Warming is very real and very scary. I believe that I should do everything in my power to leave a very small carbon footprint on this earth. I believe Bill McKibben. I want to learn more about this and dive into it head first. I believe we should promote and support all political and societal actions that directly affect global warming and climate change. I believe that one person can make a difference here by educating others and helping where and when needed.

WHAT HAPPENED:

I have been a very very BAD environmentalist as of lately. Of course I still recycle and the major things but I have stopped progressing forwards in learning how else I can affect the earth less. I have been very disposable and un-ecofriendly in the last 6 months. I have been driving and not walking, I have been throwing stuff away, I have been "whatever is easier is better". This is probably one of the bigger disappointments for myself really.

WHAT I PLAN TO DO:

Watch out biotches! I am BACK. I am ashamed of how I have been living and it's going to stop RIGHT NOW. I am going to re-read "Eaarth" and my butt is heading to the library once again to arm myself with invaluable knowledge to keep me just uncomfortable enough to kick start my old eco friendly habits!

5. BUSY BUSY BUSY

WHAT I BELIEVE:

When I became a stay at home momma, I realized that a slower life was so much better for me and my family. I was able to take time to educate myself about interests, I learned to create "things" again, I was able to freely volunteer my time with the children, and I was able to invest time into being "bored" (really, it's an art form, and if you can't do it, you need to learn how). I believe that the more we rush and over schedule our selves, the more we forget about what exactly is important in life and we disregard what we believe in. The more hurried I am the more I spend, the worse I eat, the worse I feel, the worse my attitude is, basically, all of the above.

WHAT HAPPENED:

Me. I happened. I done let myself get way over scheduled and way too busy. I went from working on all the things I felt were important to trying to jumble all of that PLUS going back to work and volunteering to be PTA president for a school that has a SERIOUS lack of parental volunteers. I let the kids start to be over scheduled and I also forgot about the power of the word "NO".

WHAT I PLAN TO DO:

Yep folks, you guessed it.

Ok, Ok, so I'm not THAT crazy but it is time to retreat. It is time to pull back from making sure everyone else is happy and time to recenter the focus on my family and I. We are all suffering from this being to busy stuff and it's time we all had a little more happiness again. It's time for me to set boundaries. It's time to not be the "go to" person. It's time to learn how to say NO again.

6. CHRISTMAS

WHAT I BELIEVE:

I dislike Christmas. Not to say I dislike the holiday but I dislike what it has become for myself and the children. We do not practice a set religion in this house however I chose to believe that Christmas, besides it's religious implications, is a time to GIVE. It is NOT TIME TO WANT. It is the most materialistic bullshit holiday that quite literally makes me crazy. (Hmmmm..... maybe part of the reason for this blog???)

WHAT HAPPENED:

I let go. I let go of what I believe in and got caught up in just getting by. I made the obligatory Christmas List and bought everyone I was SUPPOSED to a present. I barely made any gifts by hand. I SUCKED. My children have started to fall into the horrible routine of EXPECTING presents. Literally KNOWING that they will be getting a lot of presents form a lot of people.

WHAT I PLAN TO DO:

Oh yeah, this is BIG in my world. I am very seriously entertaining the thought of BOYCOTTING CHRISTMAS next year. I have totally done the math over and over again in my head and for the money and time we spent on Christmas this year.... we could have all taken an amazing vacation and not felt pressured to be anywhere or to buy certain things. It is very hard to go against family traditions, yes, but looking at how our Christmas went, I would trade it in for cabin in the woods in Montana for a week with just the kids....

Wow. I was REALLY disappointing this past year!!

Now, before people assume this... I am not looking for a pity party and don't want anyone to say, "You're being to hard on yourself." Truth be told, I am HAPPY that these disappointments came about because when I sat down and thought about how bad and disappointing I was, it fueled my inner fire. It made me want to stand up and smack myself! Disappointments are good as long as you can sit back and tell yourself, "It's time to do much better."

SO.... veering SHARPLY back into the slow lane... it's time to implement change and I found a great way to start it off! John and I are taking a break. We found a lodge on 26 secluded acres and this little trip is a MUST DO. We need a break from all the fast paced and busy work. We need time to reconnect with each other and ourselves. I am hoping this will jump start my mind and attitude on fixing all of these little road blocks I have identified....

So until I blog again....

How Words Define Us

I was reading this post by a fellow blogger, anniegirl1138, yesterday and it started the wheels in my brain turning....

The post is an opinion from a widow about being widowed and how some people in this "widow club" chose to forever define themselves in this manner. Some of these other widows have turned this into their life's work, helping others, listening to their tragic stories, and befriending these other widows for strength and support.

Is this bad? Well, no. In general, it's a rather good idea. When Ryan died, I didn't know what to do, how to feel, and I too chose to utilize these support groups. I felt like other widows were people I could identify with, people who could understand this loss I had experienced and feel my pain with me....

Then after only a few short months, I quit. I deleted all my "widow board" accounts, stopped reading posts at YWBB, stopped talking to people about the fact that I was widowed.

Why? Because it's NOT MY DEFINITION.

After reading and writing and sharing with these fellow widows, I realized something. I realized that many, many, many other widows chose to keep this identity for reasons that are not healthy to the psyche. They not only use it to define their "marital status" anymore, they use it as an excuse to drone on this sad yet natural part of life. It's kind of like taking a word, one simple word, and wrapping yourself into it as if you can cocoon yourself from all else that is happening around you.

Then I started to think some more.... God help us all now... :)

People do this EVERY DAY. We all do it. We find words to describe who and what we are. We take our race, heritage, sexual orientation, lifestyle, all of these and pick and chose words to define ourselves. It's like we must live with in these squared off boxes of definition so that we feel better about ourselves. We take titles to give us excuses to act in a certain manner or to justify our beliefs.

Yet we don't have to. We are not words. We are not one set of words and that should never be our definition. Shit, I have a LIST of definitions: Woman, white, straight, mother, widow, wife, nurse, bohemian, artist, dancer, activist, volunteer, employee, horrible writer (hahahaha), and many more.... I am all of these. However I never live inside the boundaries of any one definition.

I find it truly sad that people strive to live with in the boundaries of these definitions. It's so constricting and actually can be counter productive to living a very full life. Personally, I see life as a process, an ever evolving and changing process that we take on one day at a time. Whose to say I will be the same person tomorrow that I am today? I like changing my mask from time to time, it leaves so many options out there for myself and also can create a more well rounded and full individual. It makes me feel complete to know that I don't need a definition to define myself.

SO in regards to being a widow... I prefer to live by this little ditty instead:

"I am not what happened yesterday, I am what I am today, and I will be what I chose to be tomorrow...."

And every single day I wake up being ME. Just me, Dana, my name. All definitions and words included in one package that I can guarantee you, it will change. :)

We Heart Zombies...

Anyone who has kids knows that Halloween is a crazy time... been busy... enjoy the pics!

Classy Zombies...

When they ALL try to walk like the dead....

Yes, even mom was a zombie!

Tryin to look dead...

2nd night for this guy...

Perfect!

Izeah and his zombie walk...

Good job babe :)

He's a sexy zombie :)

Zane.... the zombie PIRATE! ARGHHHHHHH.....

Izeah and his wound...

Kayla

Watch out!!! We're coming for YOU!

Thoughts on Death, Dreams, and the Betweens...

For an obvious reason, Death is always on my mind. I suppose I'm slightly morbid but it has directly affected my life in the past and through this, I learned to embrace it as just another beautiful part of this life. Yes, It's a topic that most people don't want to discuss or consider to be inappropriate to discuss, but, when am I ever actually appropriate? ;)

Moving on now.... When Ryan died, I stopped dreaming. I don't know the actual reason why, all though I am aware that in the stages of sleep, I was probably burying my situational depression by sleeping heavily and not ever actually reaching my REM stage.... but it's whatever. I just dealt with it. Then when I started dating John, I started to dream again. Not a lot, I can now maybe still only recall one a week but at least I've been dreaming again....

Yet, the last two have bugged me a bit... Ryan keeps coming into my dreams... Now before you think I'm getting all funny, no, not like coming into my dreams with a message or anything psychic wise, but just IN the dream, as if he never left this life. The first dream, he just appeared, like he had come back from the beyond to take care of his children.... The second dream (last night) we were at his parents house and I turned around and he was standing there hugging his mother. He was dressed like John but it was him. In each dream though, I am still aware that he is dead. It's like my subconscious and my conscious are fighting in my dreams....

Then it dawned on me today.... my aunt is nearing her final stages in her fight with cancer. My mother has been filling me in and we are all aware of which road this may take for her. Of course, we hope for the best, but I've learned in my career and in life that hoping for the best yet expecting the worse is the more common sense approach to death. This aunt was probably one of my closer relatives growing up. One of the aunts I saw more and I played with her kids growing up too....

Maybe this impending sadness is what is triggering these dreams? Maybe I chose to live life most days without thinking about the ACTION of death and when it surfaces, maybe it's when I feel the closest to death via Ryan...

Either way, music has always been my savior. Music and lyrics written by talented artists can sometimes feel that void I have when I'm at a loss for words. Lately I've been in love with Mumford and Sons (thank you hubby :). They have a song called Timshel that has to be one of the best songs I have heard that I interpret to correlate with thoughts on death.... Have a listen if you care too and I even put the lyrics on for you to follow along...

So with my dreams, death, and music.... this song grants me some peace :)

Cold is the water

It freezes your already cold mind

Already cold, cold mind

And death is at your doorstep

And it will steal your innocence

But it will not steal your substance

But you are not alone in this

And you are not alone in this

As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand

Hold your hand

And you are the mother

The mother of your baby child

The one to whom you gave life

And you have your choices

And these are what make man great

His ladder to the stars

But you are not alone in this

And you are not alone in this

As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand

Hold your hand

And I will tell the night

Whisper, "Lose your sight"

But I can't move the mountains for you